When I think about past events that have left a dent in my life, sometimes it is easy to still become bitter and start picking up imaginary bricks to hand build my crumbled walls into tall, sturdy thick walls.
Bitterness creeps in and begins to turn into numbness and it becomes tempting to turn into a clam and push people away. But then I find those feelings melting away when I start wondering, what if God lets us journey through painful experiences so that we realize only He can save us? What if His desire is that these experiences soften our hearts and expose our weaknesses so we can understand His strength and then radiate that strength to others?
We cannot radiate through hand built walls. So I refuse to try: I’m keeping my walls down and laying myself out there and letting you know that this morning when I was blow drying my hair, clumps of hair came out into my hand and my heart sank.
I was so hesitant to skip worship and to crawl back into bed and bury myself in the covers and keep crying …
I remembered when Mom passed away on New Years and hearing people say “Happy New year!” And oh it Would make me cringe. Thinking about that moment made me dread arriving to the building and hearing someone say
“good morning!”and feeling that same cringe.
Because let’s be honest, Nothing felt “good” about this morning. I wanted so bad to build walls around myself and not let anyone see me sad. But… this time I surrendered and let my tears flow, I let go of anger and control and went to worship anyways.
I surrendered because I realized that none of those thoughts were from God, and I was not going to be a victim of discouragement today and miss out on worshipping my amazing God. Satan has won me Over one too many times and today I refused.
Matt 10:30 says “the very hairs on your head are numbered,” and it gives me great peace. God knows each strand I lose and
Although strands of hair are falling out and I can do nothing to control it there is something I am in control of: my reaction and my attitude. No one can take that away from me and today I choose to look at this as a new opportunity to bring God glory and I choose to smile through the pain