I’ve never really thought of myself as vain. I have my moments, just like any woman. But vain? Me? Nah.
However, I often pray for my bad qualities to be revealed in my life and Even though this is just the beginning of this journey with cancer and the beginning of my marriage , I think I have been blessed with realizing some things about myself.
Lately, I have been struggling with vanity. Yes I know everyone does and that I am aloud to. But I’m writing this to young girls about the importance of knowing your beauty is not based on your outward appearance. And the importance of finding a Godly husband.
The thought of pieces of my body being removed and then having to have drains on my sides for two weeks and eventually lose my hair as a new wife, scared me.
I was afraid that Luke wouldn’t find me attractive, or that we would lose our spark.
But this experience has proven very differently. I have experienced a new type of love. One that runs deep. One that is based on God and runs on scripture, love, and laughter.
It is Deeper than an outward attraction.
A few days after my surgery I wanted another shower, my friend who had showered me the first time was at work and Luke was the only one available.
I told him “You know I look horrible under these bandages right? I’m just preparing you.” I didn’t want him to see. But I let go of control and let him see.
He just smiled and continued helping me. Once the bandages were removed and my body I thought was ruined was revealed, he smiled and said “I thought you said you looked horrible?”
It was then that I realized I was being too hard on myself and realized how powerful a marriage based on God is. Luke has been so helpful this whole time, from waking up with me at 4am when I am in pain, to reminding me each night how much he loves me and that He is proud of me.
I’ve learned that beauty isn’t always on the outside. Yes I’ll lose my hair, yes I don’t currently recognize my body.
But my marriage isnt based on vanity. It is build on God and God says, “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”1 Samuel 16:7
On days when I look absolutely horrible, I have confidence knowing that God and my husband love me anyway #christianlove #Godisgood