I remember months ago, after my mom died, before I started this journey, one night I was going out and I told my dad he didn’t need to worry about me and that I promised to stay out of trouble.. But trouble has a way of finding us when we are chasing the wrong things… This night, I was chasing freedom and comfort.. I thought would be found out at a bar with some friends.
I remember getting in my car, lighting a cigarette and Miranda Lambert’s song “Hey White Liar”started playing. I thought to myself, hmm..am I that white liar? So I called my friend laughing saying, “uhh I dunno if I should be going out tonight, guess what song just came on? its like the radio knows my life.” She just laughed and told me to quit worrying and to have some fun..
Luckily I didn’t end up doing anything dumb that night..but I cannot say the same for other nights.. when a few of my decisions and lies resulted in me waking up in the hospital.
I remember being in high school, me and my best friend would sneak out. I became so paranoid all the time that I would lie to my parents all the time. I remember one time in particular, I was at walmart with my friend and my mom called and asked what I was doing.. For no good reason I lied and said I was at my friends house. When I hung up the phone my friend looked at me and laughed and said, “why did you lie, We arnt even doing anything wrong ”
We werent doing anything wrong, but I had gotten into the habit of lying about what I was doing. I would lose track of the truth so much because I would start to believe the lies I was telling.
They were just small, little white lies.. Nothing wrong with those right? Wrong
Lying leads to more lying. You have to cover up that lie, with another lie, and another lie. Eventually forgetting the truth.
I dated a guy once who constantly lied about everything. From his job, to what he ate that day. It was sickening..It was as if he began to believe his own lies, and forgot the truth.
Thomas Jefferson once said
“He who permits himself to tell a lie once, finds it much easier to do it a second and third time, till at length it becomes habitual; he tells lies without attending to it, and truth without the worlds believing him. This falsehood of the tongue leads to that of the heart, and in time, depraces all its good dispositions.”
Trust is the basis of marriage, friendship.. Lies destroy trust. Lying is the number one reason that people lose trust.. So why do we lie?
Maybe its to cover up reality.
I think the biggest lie I ever told was the one I told to myself.
The lie that goes, “I don’t need anyone, especially not God, I can do everything on my own.”
“Hey white liar, truth comes out a little at a time, and it spreads just like a fire,Slips off of your tongue like turpentine.. And I don’t know why White liar.”
That was a straight lie. The more I tried to do things on my own, the further I fell into a deep hole.
For the longest time I was mad at God for taking my mother.. I thought, “How could he take the one person I loved the most in life? How could he take the mother of three children? How could He take such a beautiful soul?” But that was another lie. God did not kill my mother, sin killed her. God saved her. and He saved me by giving me an opportunity to choose to open my eyes. Open my eyes to the truth
John 8:32 “And you shall know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Heres a few truths that have set me free:
Pain and suffering are constant reminders that our time on earth is short, we aren’t invincible.
Pain and suffering causes us to long for and earnestly live for Heaven. If this life was without problems, heartaches, pain and sorrows, why would we desire to leave it?
Some wonder if pain and suffering have any value but pain warns us that something is wrong. A person may begin to experience numbness in his arms and shoulder, shortness of breath, or pain in his chest. All signs maybe a prelude to a heart attack. By checking these pains out immediately by going to a doctor, future pains and possible death may be avoided
I was lying to myself when I was blaming God for my suffering.. I was too busy drowning in self- pity and resentment to realize that it wasn’t His fault.. It is sins fault.. Satans fault. God has an entire plan for us to be saved.. We just overlook it because we are too busy telling ourselves lies that Satan created.
The lies he created like “the bible is just sooo hard to understand.”
A Lot of people have this false idea that the bible is too complex for them to understand.
When you look at a bible, it does seem intimidating.
It sometimes causes us to step back and let other people tell us what it says. But how do we know other people aren’t just telling lies or giving us opinions?
If we take some effort and study it like any other book, with common sense, we see that it is not that complex.
I started looking at my bible with common sense. To me, it seems pretty simple:
there are 66 books, written by 40 different authors, over 1500 years, in 3 different languages, on 3 different continents. Yet the collection of books share a common storyline- the creation, fall, and redemption of God’s people; with a common theme- God’s universal love for all of humanity; and a common message- salvation is available to all who repent of their sins and commit to following God with all of their heart, soul, mind and strength. Not to mention that these 66 books contain no historical errors or contradictions.
It is broken down into 3 dispensations
The patriarchal Era– Its name comes from “father.” God spoke to the fathers through visions, dreams, and angels. There was no written law. where God spoke to the fathers
The Mosaic Era– God expanded His method of dealing with mankind from family to nation. The name of this period comes from the lawgiver, Moses. Through him, with the Ten Commandments at its center, God set down a definite written code for social, political, and religious life.
The Gospel Era: The age Jesus Christ has all authority in heaven and on earth (Matthew 28:18). Its chief characteristic is that God turns from family and nation to the whole world. The grand purpose of God is fulfilled through His son- the redemption of mankind. By being nailed to the cross, Jesus died for our sins. Colossians 2:14 by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.
In the bible there is the old testament and the new testament
The old testament consists of 39 books with five division of law, history, poetry, major and minor prophets.
The new testament: four divisions, twenty-seven books which consists of the gospels, history, epistles, and prophecy.
Now today, it is so easy to take the bible out of context and make it say whatever I want it to.. For example, did you know the bible says there is no God? Well it does.. in Psalm 14:1
..”There is no God”
But if we look at the entire verse, it says “The fool says in his heart there is no God.”
See how easy it is for me to tell a little white lie and make the bible say whatever I want?
My father has always told me, Megan, never assume anything, assumptions can kill you.
As a nurse, I never assume anything. When it comes to medications, I always look up a medication before I give it, to ensure I know what I am giving to my patient. When I look up the medication I then ask myself why this patient is receiving this. What will happen once they receive it, what will happen if they dont? We go through extreme precautions to ensure patient safety. We must identify five rights: right patient, right drug, right dose, right time, right route. We go through so many precautions to ensure safety in health care, why do we not do the same for our souls?
I’ve decided to take extreme precautions with my soul by digging more into the truth..
The truth is
2 Timothy 3:15 “All scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for trining in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.”
” In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possion of it, to the praise of his glory.”
and the truth is that I need Jesus. 1 Timothy 2:5-6
“For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself for a ransom for all, which the testimony given at the proper time.”
I realized that if I believe in God, then it would only make sense to believe in the God of the bible. The God who sent his son (John 3:16) to save us. To be baptized into his death, burial, resurrection,
1 Peter 3:21 “Baptism, which correspond to this, now saves you, not as a removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a good conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ.
He was sent to be a mediator for us. So when we mess up, he can say things like “forgive them father, they know not what they do,” (Luke 23:34)
I’ve learned that the truth also is, God lets me go through struggles, not because he is evil or hates me. But to build my character..
James 1:2 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect that you may be perfect and complete lacking in nothing.”
He knows He can’t tell us what to do because we will do whatever we want anyways, because we have free will. So He lets us make our own decisions. Sometimes, and in my case, a lot of times, our decisions put us in situations we can only get out of with Gods help. He wants us to choose to love him. Choose to obey His commandments and choose to die to ourselves and live for Him.. He’s not going to force us.. who wants a love that is forced?
I learned the hard way that I cannot pick myself up. I was so concerned about the way people saw me that I never admitted when I needed help.. I wanted everyone to think I was okay..I thought to myself, these people have no idea what I am going through, they just dont get it. They don’t know me.. They will just judge me.. But the truth is that we are put on this earth to help each other, and chances are that someone is going through something similar and is willing to help you through it if you let them.
so often we pray for help, pray for comfort yet are too proud to see that sometimes God’s help is standing or sitting right next to us..
2 Corinthians 1:3-6
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, which the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.”
People often tell me “you’re so strong,” You’re way stronger than I would be.” maybe I am, or maybe I’m not.
But those people don’t see me when I have bursts of anger and throw things, or break down crying randomly in the car or shower.
Some days are way harder than others.
Some days I need a giant bear hug and someone to tell me it’ll be okay. I’m not afraid to admit it anymore..
Don’t mistake my happiness as moving on. It’s more like accommodation. I could let depression consume me, and pull me down into a deep dark hole. I could be angry and hateful all the time..but that would be easy.
But I’m choosing to stop lying to myself and stop feeling sorry for myself and to let God in.. I’m choosing to fight depression and choosing to learn how to go on. I stumble every once in awhile, I get moody, I have break downs. But it’s a process. Life’s a process.
Christmas is coming up and its the first of many without my Mom..I can’t help but wonder how hard it’s going to be. But I know I’ll make it..because the truth is that we were never promised that it would be easy. We were promised to be strengthened and that it will work out
“I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.”
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
A part of me died when my mom died. The part of me that was too stubborn to look to God.. Maybe it was a part of me that needed to die. Maybe it was the little white liar that died. Who knows. But what I do know is that i’ll never be that person again, the person who told white lies to herself and others.. (That’s not to say im perfect and will never lie again) but I have learned, changed and grown.
When I was baptized into Christ, all those parts of me that died, were washed away. Along with my sins.. I was able to become a new creature.
2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”
Some people ask me why I’m not mad at God, or say ” I just can’t believe God would take someone like your mom.” But I’m not mad at God, nor do I hate him. Why would I hate the only stable Being in my life? Again, that would be living a lie.
I read a book by Don Williams that put things into perspective for me:
God in creating this world, places laws of natural force and gravity into motion. They were set in a place for the purpose of keeping God’s world orderly and in motion. Rain and wind are good forces, in that they being necessary moisture for crops and drive smog and other pollutants away. However, when mixed with atmospheric pressures, they can cause tornadoes and hurricanes which bring forth probable destruction.
Why does God allow such destructive laws of nature to exist? Why does He allow earthquakes, typhoons, tornadoes, etc.
If God worked in such a way, so that He saved a car as it was about to slide off the road and over a cliff, and He did not do the same for you in a similar situation, that would make him a respecter of persons. God is not a respecter of persons, and he certainly does not show favoritism (Romans 2:11 “For God shows no partiality).. Thats another lie created by satan..
The truth is:
God is a God of free will.. He let’s bad things happen to give us a choice to turn away from him or trust that he has a plan and continue to walk with him..
“Every one of us has a story that has brought us to where we are, but it doesn’t mean we have to stay there. I found my faith when I had no other choice but hope. I was desperate enough to hope for something better than the past for my future, and I kept running toward it. I’m still running toward it.”
– Tammy Strait
Just like this woman, I am running towards God’s plan.. I’m adjusting to this new life and practically learning how to walk again… Catch my breath after this giant punch in the stomach.. Each day is a new struggle, but I am choosing to live and readjust, and find happiness again.. I am choosing to stop lying to myself and admit I cannot do this alone.. I know my mom would want me to and I know with Christ and family by my side, I can conquer anything. This time I am choosing to let God in. After all, He is the only one who can mend the broken hearted, when we stop trying to mend it with little white lies.
Jeremiah 29:11-14 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.”
Psalms 34:18 “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”